Whilst slagging off Jacob for fleeing his dark brother I conveniently forgot how I did the same not so long ago.
like a bitch..
thank you yes, and came to England having supported oppression and disinheritance of my own dark brother, ripped off for centuries by kind men who wanted to help them come down from the trees…
whils’ stealin’ de lan’.
look, you put one foot there,… and, shall I speak more slowly..?
and you thought you were very cool and politically correct ‘cos you bought yourself out of the Commandos for a lousy $125 and hung out with separatist lesbians on a council estate in Ladbroke Grove.
And landed a nice little head start from Grampa Lawes once he’d been appropriatly chaperoned from his hill of beans.. fat of the land we’d all just departed.
And I was good with that. My conscience was clear, I could live with the split of a bohemiam lifestyle funded by the booty of Empire. No problem.
You can suppress guilt for decades,
or at least the feeling of guilt…
…whilst it all mushes out of the bottom of the box, a goopy ooze of blind determination not to succeed, never to enjoy the fruits of your labour, never to tell yourself, ‘well done’ , or, ‘you made it’.
Everyt’ing all in a state of emergency alla time, drowning out…the voice of…inmost
to the point where even my muse seemed to have a nagging fishwife app.
I wanted therapy to get rid of it for me. That’s how I got into this game in the first place. Everyone knows guilt is negative, right?
Wrong, and its just more hiving off of the dark brother to say otherwise. Feelings are just feelings. Trying to divvy them up just creates more internal splitting, more idealisation of the self, a still narrower modus vivendi.
Guilt is good…?
good…bad, your options are just so limited. Sometimes guilt is just to be faced, like anxiety and depression. Not much fun I know but sometimes authentic and therefor appropriate to their context.
But we still gonna fix them , right?
More St George… what you can’t seem to get is that when we talk about increases in consciousness its not just about some wizard prang idea that might pop into your head that wasn’t there before. Sometimes increase is precisely about paying attention to stuff you really don’t want to hear and letting yourself squirm with it.
… you pay money for dat?
Ask yourself, what does it mean to increase consciousness? To know more stuff? To write and do math? To go to one altar rather than another?
being a frien’?
thats closer, all this debate forgets that consciousness is also about conscience , being intrinsically connected to what you know in your heart as the right way to be.
Increase in consciousness is not some rarified threshold you cross having cleverly established the relationship between fancy conceptual ideas. Its about connecting experiences to the truth of our Being when we’d really rather not. Its about the cold light of day. Its about the, ‘oh bloody hell, what have I been doing/beleiving/ perpetuating all this time?’ and passing up the good news feed from your busy PR machine.
Of course, we don’t have to get all get wound up like tin soldiers and sent off to die for gold and diamonds in order to question the automatic pilot. If you are less fortunate you’ll have to find ways to be with the dark brother in your own backyard; feelings that are spurned, memories that are dismissed, responses to life that seem inferior. The shadow.
If we have the courage to tell our stories then we’ll find our way back to the dark brother because stories connect us to others and to ourselves. When stories cease to be told and get acted out instead then we’re all in trouble.
”The reason for evil in the world is that people are not able to tell their stories.” C Jung.
What I notice about the pivotal tale of Isaac, Esau and Jacob, one in which the Principle of Relatedness is shattered before Greed, Abdication and Passivity is that no-one gets to tell their story. There is no protest or discussion anywhere. The silence at the end of the telling is like a child who’s cried himself to exhaustion.
Isaac particularly has seen it all before. And like any abused child who has had no witness to his misery he sits quietly, unable to refer to experience that has already been hived off to his own dark brother, Ishmael…
who he hates…
I was not abused….!
You were bound and gagged…
I don’t hate!
And dragged up the mountain, pissing yourself with fear..
It wasn’t about me!
Unable to breathe….
He was doing the lord’s work!
Big knife, you shat yourself with the horror.
An angel saved me!
No, the angel saved Abraham. You were neither saved nor spared.
The angel was moved by my plight, by my innocence!
Nop, just taking care of business once Abe had crushed the Principle of Relatedness sufficient to butcher his own child and God was done with his test. Game over.
Ah, okay. .er, well, all’s well that ends well, what?
But it hasn’t ended well has it? All this passive acceptance of God’s sadistic use of you to test a third party and having to subvert your own truth has left you full of untold hate which then had to be siphoned off onto your own dark brother..
….and afterwards.. sacrificed relatedness with Esau and Jacob in a compulsive repetition of childhood horror and betrayal beyond belief sufficient for them to become so split that power assumed more importance than people.
And this is our increase in consciousness… I don’t think so.