The Jealous Type.

Jealousy is not about love.

‘The kernel of all jealousy is lack of love.” CG Jung

it looks like its about lurve,

but it frikkin’ ain’t.

Love is about people. Jealousy is about me.

Dj’am sayin’?

Jealousy is about me not getting what i want when, when, when, that udder fukka, him getting aaaaaalla good stuff.


someone else is getting someone else….

Or, someone else is getting what I want, which is someone else, soon to be something else..

When you feel jealous its a sign your intended has already become ‘stock’, to be bought and sold..

like a bitch.

When you come across a situation marked by jealousy you will nearly always find that its just the latest in a great pattern of events, a mere bead on a long string of….


Jealousy is not just a feeling.

It’s an attitude to life….

Which is why you get ‘jealous types.’

Jealousy is their ‘modus vivendi’.

Start as you mean to continue…

They see the world in general and people in particular as extensions of themselves, there to serve/nurture/provide. Should the other, reduced now to a mere function, fail to comply…

‘Dere gonna be trouble….’

and wander off…. doing something unscripted..


Talking to someone..

or strollin’ off to the otherside of the supermarket in search of oyster sauce…

or havin’ too much chat with the cashier…

Brian, 67, overweight and balding: a bloke, and a bit whiffy at that…

gonna be trouble, mon.

I have a friend who owns a shop. He works at his trade whilst simultaneously selling his wares and entertaining customers. He is always busy, busy, busy. When I go in we talk while he works….. and sells…. and entertains…

Within minutes his wife storms in hands on hips, quivering with fury… eventually you just have to leave…

It looks like an accusation of loafing, but the man is a font of productive labour… his hands don’t stop….


The problem is me…

And the fact he’s so delighted to see me.

Now it looks like jealousy..

but it ain’t that neeva.

my presence has caused him to behave as though he were no longer her prosthetic limb…


He’s… acting autonomously..


like a leg that just suddenly decided to dance across the room by itself…..!

You are not being what you are supposed to be.

You have breached your existential remit.

To be what I need you to be..

And nothing more.

The narcissist and the jealous type are first cousins..

of the kissing variety.

and, maybe more…

There’s something inevitable about their tryst.

the reason is that the narcissist has identified with their own ideal and therefore has to split off their dark brother, the shadow, to achieve this end.

They reject and project…

the undiscovered self.

And so the other, in quite a real sense, truly is an extension of themselves…

to be fascinated with..

for as long as the projection holds…. the jealousy will remain.

When the other asserts beyond doubt their autonomy, or the projection is withdrawn, jealousy slides into sour grapes..

and everyone goes home.

never really fancied her…

The end of jealousy has to do with renouncing ownership.

of course the ‘jealous type’ would rarely admit that. Their’s is a noble sentiment..

You’ll never guess what she did next…

It’s about love! and feeling.. vulnerable…..

fearing betrayal…

you bastard.

which is why jealousy is so hard to address.

because there’s sooo much ‘poor me’…

whilst panelbeating the shit out of everyone in range with a 4 pound lump hammer.

So, the narcissist actively picks people like you and me, who are such hard work, because there’s endless opportunity to bewail the fact that we are off doing our own thing.

And so what’s so great about being regarded with eternal suspicion?

No, its a real question.

What is the deal with you hanging out with jealous types?

Oh., poor me, I didn’t sign up for this… I was only trying to help…


Could it just possibly be that ramming someone’s insane, irrational, selfish shit back down their stupid throats is just toooo good an opportunity to pass up?

Ok, you’re the boss.



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Psychotherapist/writer/artist/ author of, 'Going Mad to Stay Sane', a psychology of self-destructiveness, about to come into its third edition. Soon to be printed for the first time, 'Abundant Delicious.. the Secret and the Mystery', described by activist Satish Kumar as, ' A Tao of the Soul'. This book documents the archetypal country through which the process of individuation occurs and looks at the trials and tribulations we might expect on the way. In the meantime..... Narcissisim is the issue of our age. This blog looks at how it operates, how it can damage and how we may still fruit despite it.

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